he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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