Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
