i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
