Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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