Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
