Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
