somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
