Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
