these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
