So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
