please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
