How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
