my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
