i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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