Where is the hickey?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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