I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
