is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
