I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
