we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
