Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
