Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
