EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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