if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
