If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she looked like the before picture.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
