I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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