Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
