Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
