What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
