my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
