It's Friday. Sex?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
