Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Two words: blizzard sex
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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