People in love make me want to vomit
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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