I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
