Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
