Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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