if you like me you must not know who I am
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
