her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
