I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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