my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
