After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
