Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
