Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
