I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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