To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
