i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
why do cheetos always look like penises
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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