Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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