I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
