The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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