Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
