You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize