She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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