I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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