Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
