oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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