she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
