Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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