so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
