allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he was CRYING into my vagina
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I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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