you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
