Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Someone came in the potted fern
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
