gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
