I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
