i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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