I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
