I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
dude. I can hear the air.
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