that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
