i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
