You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
