Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
