I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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