Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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