I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
