maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
