He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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