i was rollin on her like bob the builder
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
