I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
