I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I deserve this hangover.
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