I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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