foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
