I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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