Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
