You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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