I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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