BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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