some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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